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A Journey to Self Discovery (Part I)

MEDIAPENELITI.COM A journey to self discovery (Part I). Today, instead of sharing some good articles on tips of life hacks or something… I want to write about myself.

(Beware, this short-story is quite-long, but once you read this you’ll want to continue to part-II)

I do not mind if the view will drastically drop, because I write in English and people might find it not interesting, but I still want to write about me, in hope that at the end of reading this story you will discover a different view of life.

A flashback

So, at the very random part of my characters… I want to confess that I’m not a verbal person. Instead of what-people-said-to-be-introvert, I was actually shy.

I ruined my teen life being a very hopeless person by not explored everything I could and the most stupid thing was that I didn’t love myself, the way I should.

Why would I confess that now?

At the age of 23, I realize that most teenagers and some University students, reflected my attitude in the teenage years.

Most of the millennial now are in the urge of self-development, self-help, self-esteem process and everything related to expand their inner potential. Everything that no one taught me, back in my school years.

Back to my story, I grew up and earn education in Malaysia. Being an extremely introvert, I didn’t really have interest in extracurricular activities and sports.

You know? Sport girls were popular in the school and whatever achievement you win, your face will be put on the front cover of the school magazine. (I don’t want that kind of fame).

Being a “study-freak”

The rest of my times were spent on studying. I had a very neat and well arrange self-made schedule from doing chores to home works and to TV-time.

Believe me, I know nothing apart from studying and staying home, more often than not.

No, that isn’t good. At the age of 13 – 18, I should at least be active in sports, or singing, or marching, or debate or anything people at my age were well doing.

I was just not. I read books, finishing my worksheet, studying, and take a good sleep.

The turning point

My life turning point happened in the senior high school. Being a pre-University student, I thought I will have more time to read and studying…

but I was wrong. The subject I took required me to speak more than I ever imagine I should.

It was the Literature in English. That subject is a nightmare for some students who hate Shakespears, British era’s, and the black American slang, but I insisted to choose that subject as I love reading and writing poems.

One day, our literature teacher (we called her, “mama”) announced that it is our class turns to selected a class representative to deliver a public speech in English on the next Monday assembly.

I, being the extremely shy girl who can only speak broken “Manglish” (read : Malaysian English) was confident that mama won’t chose me to speak on the assembly.

She knows well that I can’t speak in front of more than 20 people in a room. Moreover, the assembly is enormous and I sure will faint by just holding the microphone.

“Zuhra, how about you try to deliver your own speech this time?..” Clear, I assured that my ears didn’t cheat on me. The teacher has made her choice, and she chose me. The girl who rarely speaks. But why?

“…But.. but mama… you know I can’t speak in front of so many people, aren’t you?”.. “Please, I can’t do this. I’m not confident. Why don’t you try ask Kashvini, she’s the most excellent student in class. I replied doubtfully.

The magical words

“Honey, I know you can do this. You have something that most students don’t have. You have a gut.” Don’t do it for me. Don’t do it for our class sake. Do it for you. Do this for yourself. You’ll remember it, later.” Convinced our loving mama.

That very moment in my life, and the moment I stand in front of more than 20 people (I believed I saw more than 100 people, though).

That eyes, that looks, that whispering sounds, and that clapping hands… everything mixed with my feelings, that I lost in my own deep voice.

At the podium, holding the microphone… I wasn’t only delivered a speech. I was actually spoke my heart out.

The language of the heart

I want people to understand that I’m shy, but I can speak if I prepared. I’m shy but I can speak when I preferred to. I might be insecure of well-achieved students, but I believe in people who believe in me.

For the strong reason, I was actually doing it for my teacher. I did this for mama.

From that day onward, I saw people approaching me all of sudden. I realized that some people from other classes actually know my name. Hopefully for a good reason.

Most importantly, I realize that I can do more. I must have a gut to face my fear, and I sure will survive to any obstacles. That is the principle of my life, starting from the age of 18.

No, the story doesn’t stop here. Read Part II. (Mediapeneliti.com/Fatimah Zuhra)

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